Thirty - The Christmas dilemma

Ah. Christmas. The time of year of family, friends and for those of us who celebrate the religious side, the time to celebrate the birth of a pretty good guy.

And of course, as regular as....well, as Christmas really....comes the Christmas dilemma:

"Whose side of the family will we be having Christmas lunch with this year?"

Now, since I have been a single parent, it's been a pretty easy decision for me. I have spent every year at my sister Michelle's place for lunch, and usually gone home to spend a quiet (and very special) evening at home on my own. The last couple of years have seen me spend the evening with Glenn, as he hasn't done his usual trip down to Gippsland to be with his extended family. Lovely.

My Cherub is either with me on Christmas Eve, thereby spending Christmas lunch with me at Michelle's (and then going to dinner with his father's side), or he's with his father (thereby coming to me at Michelle's for dinner). Either way, MY location on Christmas Day is pretty much guaranteed these days to be at Michelle's. (Also guaranteed is Michelle's friend Peter saying to me '"Have another wine Aunty Neana, we want another Christmas show" - which is a direct result of my first 'post separation' Christmas where I got totally blotto and found a friend in Singstar.....but I digress, that's another story).

But I can almost guarantee that all over Australia.....nay, all over the WORLD....there are couples, both newly married or long time married, both defacto and engaged, who are starting to have the conversation about where exactly they will be spending Christmas lunch.

When I was married we tried valiantly to see both sides of the family on the day. Lunch with mine/dinner with his one year, and then to be fair lunch with his/dinner with mine the other year. This continued until William was about three years old, when we realised that having a child simply meant that all that travel on Christmas Day was quite ridiculous. So we moved to the lunch with mine/dinner alone at our OWN house/Boxing Day with his one year, and then lunch with his/dinner alone at our OWN house/Boxing Day with mine the next. This worked out well (except for the fact that as things got worse and worse at home I found myself preferring not to have the dinner at our OWN house....but again, I digress and that's another story).

So what factors contribute to the decision that is finally made?

Who knows. And quite frankly, I no longer care, because my Christmases are pretty much worked out for the rest of my life. Even with Glenn, we are both fully established in our own families, and both understand that, so there is no expectation for one or the other to spend the day (or even just lunch) with the other's family. Obviously we can if we want to, but the EXPECTATION isn't there.

But as young couples, this is one of the times of year that really sort out the dynamics of the relationship I reckon. Who will give in? Who will give in peacefully? Who will give in and spend the whole day with a scowl on their face as they dream wistfully about spending time with their own family? And what of the families where one partner actually WANTS to spend every year with the other partner's family simply to avoid their OWN family, but the partner wants to do the 'right thing'?

They say there are only two certainties in life - death and taxes. I propose that we make it an official 'three certainties' - death, taxes and the Christmas dilemma.

Talk later

Janeane
xx