Twenty Eight - Confusion

Well, it's been a while.

And, unfortunately, tonight I am blogging because I don't feel so great. Ho Hum, I've had 'one of those days', well TWO of those days actually.

Friday at work I had a shocking tummy ache, I suspect it's the diverticulitis flaring up (had a camera up the whoopsy in May which showed that I have diverticular disease, and lately I haven't been feeling all so well, a fair bit of pain, and I think I'm having a flare up). I've been eating lots of fibre, drinking lots of water, and exercising as per the instructions that you read EVERYWHERE that you look this thing up, but sometimes that's obviously not enough, because one thing that can trigger a flare up is the good ol' stress.

Without going into details (God, you'd probably never stop me then!) I have been feeling a little stressed lately, and I think that this may be the main reason I have had a few problems over the last few weeks.

But, with guts and determination (no pun intended) I'll get through and get on with it.

Friday night was dinner with some of the girls from work (my Cherub spent this weekend at his Dad's, I was child free). Which made me think, once again, that this whole stomach thing might be stress related, because by the time I had left the office and arrived at the pub I was really relaxed and looking forward to a good night, and was nearly (but not completely) pain free. Of course, this could be the result of the one or two wines I scoffed at dinner - the alcohol dulling the pain and all that. Had a GREAT time, just winding down, and staggered back to Glenn's (we had dinner at the pub across the road from his place...how convenient!) feeling like all was well with the world.

But.....

....woke up yesterday feeling VERY bizarre. Really restless, edgy, and agitated. Couldn't decide whether I was Arthur or Martha quite frankly. Paced around Glenn's house and decided to go home to see whether I could get myself out of this funk. Went home, did two loads of washing, cleaned out the kitty litter, and that was pretty much it. Had intended to do vaccuuming, ironing, cleaning etc, but just COULDN'T get motivated, and went to bed for two hours in the afternoon. Just felt blah.

Woke up and couldn't decide whether to head back to Glenn's for dinner or stay at home. Like LITERALLY, couldn't decide. Spent a good hour or so simply weighing up the pros and cons of each scenario - how ridiculous! Weighing up pros and cons of whether I should spend a night with my partner! In the end I decided to head on over, as there was no difference really between being in a funk here and being in a funk there, although I did think that maybe a bit of company was something that would help.

WRONG! The minute I got there I thought 'Nope, didn't want company', but stayed for dinner anyway (a lovely chook roast) and then came home. Glenn was awesome, very understanding - he's good like that, not overly dramatic, he just tells me to do what I need to do, he understands what it means to sometimes just want to be on your own, particularly as a single primary carer (like he was with his kids).

Problem was, although I knew I didn't want company, I didn't want to be on my own either! Freakin weirded me out.

But, I came home, and read my book in bed until 1am this morning, then spent a restless night's sleep, couldn't sleep in and of itself, but was also disturbed by Harry the wonder cat, who has finally won and now just comes and jumps on my bed during the night if he feels so inclined. Which he did last night. (I do have to admit though, that it is kind of nice having him nuzzle into my neck first thing in the morning, and I have put an old doona cover on the bed to deal with the malting issue - him, not me).

So here I am, sitting at my computer, blogging about this oh-so-bizarre weekend of emotional confusion that I have had (and even more bizarrely, it comes after my last post being about the reasons I have to be happy! Life, you shit me off sometimes...).

My Cherub has just gone to bed and I am not going to be far away from my bed...at least that is the plan for now, but who knows, it may change. It wouldn't surprise me. Not one little bit. Decisions haven't been my strong point lately!

Talk later

Janeane
x